Single
Well I’m single yet again. Awesome.
My boyfriend basically told me I was unattractive and that he wasn’t interested anymore.
He doesn’t have time for me anymore.
what happened…
I don’t want to do this again, I don’t want to be alone again, to be away from you. To not be with you anymore.
You were a bad boyfriend, you never did make time for me, I was never a priority and you weren’t attracted to me.
I will miss you…so so much, more than I can describe. I really thought this time was going to work.
Right now I don’t think there will be another time. I think we’re through for good…that terrifies me.
It terrifies me because all I’ve known, all I’ve wanted is you. I don’t know what to do.
Single Brett.
Dear Tyler,
I’ve written to you a lot on this blog, after our break up I never thought I’d see you again; I can’t describe in words how painful it was to accept that. Although we both agree the months of separation helped us grow as individuals and in the long run was for the better for Brett and Tyler as separates, I still wish it didn’t have to go to that extreme. Thinking back on our time apart there wasn’t a day I didn’t go without thinking of you, I’m grateful for getting to know myself again but I wish I could have gone about it a different way.
You were my first love of any sort, be it true love or puppy love and to watch it slowly disappear over a month until we finally extinguished it was brutal. And this will sound corny but I’ve always known that we’d be together, from the day we fell in love til the day we fell out of each other but not out of love entirely. You are the man I am meant to be with in the end, no matter what happens in between I know that in the end we’ll end up back together somehow and that’s true fucking love.
I love you.
I don’t care what anyone else thinks or has to bitch about. You and I are pretty frickin awesome and this time it’s going to work. I’m not going to tell you I don’t care what happened when we were apart because I do (we both know I’m nosey with you), I’m not going to say it doesn’t matter- because it does BUT as long as we keep it in the past I could give a crap, I hope you feel the same. And this may be to intense but you’re the only one who understands me, even when you don’t. I love being around you even when we do nothing but watch tv, or lay on the bed and talk. I know things about you that no one else cares to know, you are the only guy I’ve wanted a future with. We’re ultra compatible in ways I can’t explain and when you kiss me, dear god to this day you still take my breath away.
You love me even when I’m Brick, when I trip, when we have a spat, when I’m drunk, when my rooms not clean, when I drop my phone…all the time. I love when we can geek out together, that we always start halo campaigns but never ever finish them, I love our symmetry and how well we compliment the other.
I wrote this a long time ago, and to me it’s so beautiful because it fits us so well.
‘Right now I just want you to hold me in your arms, me on my tip toes with my arms around your neck and your arms around my waist. In the rain. I just want to cry out of happiness instead of sadness. I want to kiss you under the moonlight with the snails watching as we carefully dance around with awkward steps.
I think I’m crazy for you in my own way, I think I love you more than anything else.’
I’m so happy to have you back in my pictures again…you’re the ranch to my fries.
<3 B
To Whom it may concern,
I just want you to know that you’ve lost a friend, a great friend that gave up more for you than you ever would. He’s a great person, despite our bad past experiences the good out ways the bad. I want you to know that it’s not fair what you did to him, you’re more selfish than I thought you were. He has better people in his life now, genuine people. Unlike you. I hope one day you realize you’ve made a bad mistake, probably after you obtain what you’ve wanted for so long and she’s screwed you over like she’s done to others. And fortunately for you, he’d take you back. Unfortunately though is that you’ll never know completely how you made him feel.
I want to thank you for being there for him when he needed you, but you back stabbed him probably when he needed you the most. I love him, and although I think you’re a terrible friend and he’s better off without you..if he wants you back I support him.
This reminded me of a girl I thought of as a friend, this is how I feel about you.
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But God, does it feel so good
‘Cause I got him where I want him now
And if you could then you know you would
‘Cause God, it just feels so
It just feels so good
Second chances they don’t ever matter
People never change
Once a whore, you’re nothing more
I’m sorry, that’ll never change
And about forgiveness
We’re both supposed to have exchanged
I’m sorry honey but I’m passing up
Now look this way
Well there’s a million other girls
Who do it just like you
Looking as innocent as possible
To get to who They want and what they like
It’s easy if you do it right
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But God, does it feel so good
‘Cause I got him where I want him now
And if you could then you know you would
‘Cause God, it just feels so
It just feels so good
I watched his wildest dreams come true
And not one of them involving you
Just watch my wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving
Disappear
I wish I was a puddle of water and it was sunny, so I could just evaporate and disappear.
Wish I was stronger.
tumblr
I joined tumblr a few days ago, I am now obsessed. So if you have a tumblr you should follow me. If you don’t have a tumblr, get a tumblr.
http://ninjasheartcupcakes.tumblr.com/
BlarghX2
Just came up with some rap lyrics:
‘So many things on mah mind and I just don’t got enough time!’
Lyrical Genius Brett.
I am so excited for my internship! Have i posted about this yet?! NO?!?!?!
Ok so I got an internship in Bellingham, wa for Wildlife rehabilitation!! Which is exactly what I want to do with my life. That’s all…good story I know.
So I am looking still looking for a place in Bellingham, the hunt continues. I am not even going to admit how many spelling errors I made in that one sentence ugh I am still tired.
Also White iPhone 4, I want thee oh so much!!
I also just wanted to share my ‘Breakup Playlist’ for everyone…all my imaginary readers. These are some songs that helped me through my breakup, sometimes they made me happy sometimes sad and mostly angry. At the time I really needed them.
All of these songs are amazing individually and I listen to them regardless, but mixed into my playlist it’s even better.
I am mildly embarrassed to admit that I listen to 1one1 Miley Cyrus Song but in all honesty it really speaks to me at times.
Also anything Taylor Swift does is amazing, I’ve been a huge fan of her’s from day 1. Her newest cd…you could put that thing on and it would tell the tale of my single life. It’s perfect.
Anyway good day my loves!
~ tterB
Things I desire
http://www.lotrfanshop.com/lotrshop/jewelry/theoneringwsilverchain.asp?ReturnPage=/lotrshop/jewelry.asp
http://www.lotrfanshop.com/lotrshop/jewelry/theoneringbyapplause.asp?ReturnPage=/lotrshop/jewelry.asp
http://cgi.ebay.com/LOTR-Tungsten-Two-Ring-Set-Gold-Black-Silver-ONE-/280656099040?pt=Metal_Fashion_Rings&hash=item41586836e0
Aww!!!!
http://themedmerchandise.com/store/store/productview.asp?prodID=21
http://www.amazon.com/Lord-Rings-925-silver-earrings/dp/B004E9N2YE
Hope
Things are looking up but every once in a while a subject is brought up and I see the people we used to be before we got back together. We’re not too different from them but the choices we made them effect our relationship now.
You chose to attach yourself to the first girl who gave you the time of day, I chose to settle with a guy I wanted nothing to do with.
Neither of us like to hear about that part of our separation, I know I don’t…I know you don’t. I don’t want to hear about escapades or adventures.
We both did things that hurt the other when we were apart, I know I have fault. I regret all of it.
I’m terrified. The break up made me cold, more independent but cold. I used to have such a passion for you physically, emotionally and spiritually (? weird way of putting it). There was so much love, but now I’m guarded so much and I’m not sure how to put down my walls.
I can’t describe how I’m feeling…there’s a mixture. It stings, but I know it shouldn’t so why…why do I let things get to me? It happened, move on.
Blargh.
Trying, trying, trying. Do or Do Not there is no try. Fuck…
Well where does that leave me…?
I wish I was, but I’m not
I’m not the type of girl that just let’s things go past her, if there is something wrong I’m pretty good at sniffing it out usually. Confronting it is another issue, even if it hurts me to the core I’ll try to resolve it on my own before bringing it up to affected parties. When we were together my jealousy ratings were off the chart and my trust was waning, it took me a while but I changed during our separation. I thought I wouldn’t care as much who you talked to or kept in contact with. But there has always been something there with her, you never figured it all out. You never let go. And when you asked me to get rid of someone in my life, I did. Because you’re so much more important to me than most people, especially him. At that time it didn’t occur to me to ask you to do the same, because I had changed. Jealousy in the large quantities it was in before was in my past, still present but all of us have a problem sometimes.
There was a point in our breakup where I just snapped, I stopped grieving and missing and started loathing and moving on. I cried so much that day, until I ran out of tears and I drank too much and I made some bad choices.
I wish I was ok with it, but I’m not. I wish I could look at you and say ‘It’s ok that you’re friends with her. *smile, kiss*’ but you will never hear me say that. Because she brings out the bad in me, that jealousy I thought I had put behind me punches me in the face when I think about her. When I think about that day…and I know somethings that you don’t know I know.
We need to talk, or at least I need to. I tried to be a mature woman about this, with myself and I was fine until today. But that…well she just brings out the crazy in me. I feel like you can understand where I’m coming from now, in a way.
I know the past is the past but I think we’re both having trouble letting some things go.